Wellness Origin HubWhy friendships matter for health, and how to stay in touch
Friendships matter for health as much as many lifestyle habits do. Here are small, realistic ways to stay in touch as an adult when work and family fill the week.
Friendships matter for health: research suggests that people with strong social connections tend to live longer and report better wellbeing, and that loneliness may be as relevant to health as better-known risks. Staying in touch as an adult does not take grand gestures. Small, regular contact, such as a message, a standing walk or a shared meal, keeps most friendships going, and it is easier to plan than to wait for.
What the research suggests
A widely cited 2010 review of 148 studies, led by researchers at Brigham Young University, found that people with stronger social relationships had a noticeably higher likelihood of survival over the study periods than those with weaker ones. In 2023 the US Surgeon General issued an advisory describing loneliness and isolation as a public health concern, and the World Health Organization has set up a commission on social connection.
These studies show links rather than proof of cause, and the reasons are probably several: friends encourage healthy habits, offer practical help and may buffer stress. But the pattern is consistent enough that social contact is worth treating like sleep or exercise: something to make room for on purpose.
Why it gets harder as an adult
- Less time. Work, children and caring fill the week.
- Fewer built-in meetings. School and university put people together daily; adult life rarely does.
- Moving. New towns and jobs break up old networks.
- Waiting to be asked. Many people assume others are busy and do not reach out first.
One study from the University of Kansas estimated that it takes many hours together, on the order of a couple of hundred, to turn an acquaintance into a close friend. That is not a reason to give up; it is a reason to start with regular, small amounts.
Small ways to stay in touch
| Habit | Effort | How often |
|---|---|---|
| A short message or voice note | 2 minutes | Weekly |
| A phone or video call | 20 minutes | Fortnightly |
| A walk or coffee | 1 hour | Monthly |
| A standing date | 1–2 hours | Same time each month |
| A shared meal | An evening | Every few months |
Send the message
When someone crosses your mind, tell them. "Saw this and thought of you" is enough. Voice notes feel warmer than text and take a minute.
Make it a routine
Friendships last longer when meeting does not need planning each time.
- A walk with the same friend on the first Saturday of the month.
- A monthly video call with university friends.
- A weekly coffee with a neighbour after the school run.
Attaching contact to a routine you already have works the same way as building any habit.
Combine it with something you already do
- Walk together. A walk is cheap, easy to arrange and counts as exercise and time in nature.
- Cook together. Share a budget-friendly meal or swap batch-cooked dishes.
- Exercise together. A running partner or a class buddy gives you both a reason to turn up.
- Read together. Start a small book club with two or three friends.
Say yes, and suggest a time
When someone says "we must meet up", reply with a day and a place. Vague plans tend to fade.
Making new friends
- Join something regular. Classes, choirs, sports clubs, volunteering and community gardens put the same people together weekly, which is how friendships tend to grow.
- Be the one who asks. Suggest a coffee after the class. Most people are glad to be asked.
- Give it time. Friendships build through repeated contact. Keep turning up.
- Talk to neighbours. Small conversations with familiar faces also count towards feeling connected.
When you feel lonely
Loneliness is common and nothing to be ashamed of. Start small: a short conversation, a message to an old friend, or a regular group activity. Phones can help you stay in touch, but scrolling often leaves people feeling more isolated; a digital detox weekend can free time for real contact.
Questions people ask
How many close friends do I need?
There is no right number. Research tends to focus on quality: having a few people you can rely on matters more than a large circle.
Do online friendships count?
They can. Regular, meaningful contact online can be supportive, especially for people far from family or with limited mobility. Meeting in person when possible adds something extra.
What if I am an introvert?
Social contact does not have to be big gatherings. One-to-one walks, small dinners and regular messages suit many introverts better, and they count just as much.
Photograph: AI-generated image
